Sometimes you have to roll-start

There's an odd feeling that I've done all this before. Sometimes I focus on the thing I'm doing and it feels fresh, new, inviting, and requiring bravery. Other times it feels like I'm adding another mark to the list, but it's the same mark as so many other days.

I think I get this feeling the day after payday every time. Usually it's when most of the money is accounted for and is already allocated to bills and food and etc. Truth be told, I make enough money to have shelter and food to eat and even some fun stuff on the side, but it's always so close.

I guess this is what it's like to be in near-poverty? Or maybe what it's like to just not be really rich?

We attended a wedding this weekend, sans children. It was a nice, humble, quick, non-religious wedding with a full open bar at the reception. The food was good, the people were nice, and everything felt right about it. WHY CAN'T MORE WEDDINGS BE LIKE THIS?

After the wedding we hung around for a while, listened to the toasts, ate some dinner, then rushed out to go to a drag pageant our friend was competing in. He didn't win, but was very delightful.

We pretty much slept in all Sunday, didn't get anything done that we needed to do, and now it's Monday!

Maybe that's why I feel so shitty: I didn't get to finish anything on my internal list. No check marks. And now it's back to the grind-stone and doing the same shit I always do.

A recurring check-mark that is always a positive is the kids. I think people have kids just so that they can keep track of the passage of time. Both are getting so big, so wise even though they're still so young. They say things some times that just... weird me out they're so precocious. One will be talking to the other and (in a way of teaching the other something that neither really knows about, like how the brain works) will say something so profound it just makes me wonder. But then they'll turn around and just be kids again.

Life is good, though. Fall is essentially here: the windshield of the car/truck/thing is fogged up in the mornings, jackets have to be on if you're outside for more than ten minutes, and I can almost smell cinnamon everywhere. Soon it'll be time for the sweaters and then hats. And football. And snow shovels. But then later it'll be time for digging and planting and growing.

And I like that kind of cycle.