Don't Fear

I'm seeing a trend lately, and I'm not sure if it's always been there, or if it's waxing and waning based on some weird criteria of the universe.

Death is an important thing. Some say it's the very thing that makes life so important; the conclusion and built-in timer creates value in the remaining seconds someone alive stays alive. Others see importance in the particulars surrounding the death experience, like the time or place or activity involved when death occurs.

I've met people who were denialists of death, thinking that they'd never have to deal with anyone close to them dying, like a pet or older friend. Usually there's just something else more important to deal with, or something more up front and center to occupy their thoughts. There's dinner plans to make, or school, or work, or kids, or entertainment, or whatever. These kinds of people are usually the ones most shocked when someone close to them does meet with destiny and dies.

The other extreme isn't any healthier, of course, those who brood on death and all the implications therein have similarly bad reactions to oblivion. I fit into this category, I fear, in that I tend to see things as being temporary. The building across the street will one day be torn down to allow another building to go up. The old hobo begging for change on the corner will soon expire, probably unseen and unknown. Technically one day our sun will explode into something none of us could ever escape, and therefore most of what we do is essentially without meaning since there is no permenance.

But the trend I was speaking of earlier: I have seen more and more people dip and stay into this latter group. We tend to be romantic (but not in the good way), shy (since we usually don't see a reason in making new friends if they're just gonna die anyway), and introspective (maybe there is life after death, right? well, maybe not...). I know rationally acting this way is silly, since I may as well make the most of my very short lifespan, but there are times when things just get so _heavy_, ya know?

The other day I was at a wedding, which should be a very uplifting and momentous occasion. During the reception and drinking time afterwards, a group of friends were standing around talking, and one mentioned to another how they were upset every time they catch themselves doing a physical action like their father, such as crossing their arms a certain way, or saying a phrase in the same voice. They were really mad about it, and it became the topic for a few minutes.

I couldn't help it, I got a little choked up and walked away.

I wanted to yell at them. I wanted to point out that their fathers' time is limited, that they should cherish every second they still have with them. Well, maybe not seconds, but you know, they shouldn't look crossly at the connection they have with their parents.

But then I remembered how morose I am at times, and I also remembered that some people just don't like their parents. I also remembered that my Dad passed only recently, and the wound is still fresh. I didn't want to be that guy.

But sometimes I am that guy.