Powder Keg

All my life I've had weird fantasies. I'm not talking about sexual fantasies or fetishes, I'm just talking about daydreams in which situations are favorable to me.

One such fantasy was either dying or getting really really sick when I was younger. Like, cancer or multiple limb removal. The idea was that my situation would be so horrible that everyone I knew would HAVE to pay attention to me, blanket me with pity and presents, be nice to me.

Another has been to be involved with a real revolution, one that would terribly revoke the kinds of lives we all enjoy today. It would start with a basic fight against the tyranny and giant thumb holding us all down. From there it would quickly escalate to martial law, hyper-combative dystopia, hide-and-seek-or-die, and finally post-apocalypse.

It is the latter fantasy I hold very close to my heart as I read the reports coming in regarding occupy wall street in various cities. I see the videos, I read the tweets, the first hand accounts, and all I can wonder is if there is some way I could get involved. Or maybe help to increase the rate of change. Or something.

I'm a little stuck, however. Like many others, I think, I'm trapped. I have a family I have to protect and fend for. I have to keep providing shelter and food. I have to keep them safe. However, I have a deep-seeded urge to join in the protests, the fights. I don't wish harm upon anyone truly, but I do think that there are times when those in power need to realize where they receive their power from. It's like the French Revolution, or any other coup or struggle by the people against the ruling class.

I want to get involved, but I cannot. I don't use a bank, I'm a member of a local member-owned credit union. I don't use big companies for anything but the essentials like utilities (something that is required by law to remain in my house, btw). I do as much as I can without giving up everything, but I'm in fear that this is slowly becoming not good enough.

Were the dam to break, were there to be a serious revolution spark, I'm not sure I know what I would do. I don't own any weapons, I don't have a fortress out in the country somewhere.

I do have a really close network of friends, perhaps we could all huddle together somewhere to figure out a next step. You know, if something were to light the powder keg.

Or maybe everything will just blow over and nothing will change at all.